Conservative, liberal and the Democrat: how to spoil your child

Table of contents:

Conservative, liberal and the Democrat: how to spoil your child
Conservative, liberal and the Democrat: how to spoil your child
Anonim

Prospective parents await their first child with very different thoughts, but almost everyone imagines in advance how they will raise it: do they want to avoid spoiling their child, or, on the contrary, give and allow everything to him without limits, even if this will be his fast later.

Image
Image

The other side of the horse

It depends on life situation and value system, and on how the parents were brought up at the time: it is common for mothers and fathers to want to spare the child from perceived childhood mistakes. From the point of view of pampering, seedlings that are difficult to get together (for example, born after many bottle attempts) are unfortunately more at risk, because the parents may feel that they have been given only one chance in life to give everything to the light of their eyes. In such cases, it happens that they fall over to the other side of the horse, and this can harm their child. Most people know a family where the children's room is full of toys that the little one didn't even have time to enjoy and explore individually, and where the parents watch, comment, and help the little one's every move with fearful care. The feeling of the outside observer is that there are simply too many of them, they are not allowed to breathe. Above a certain age, when peer relationships become important in the child's life, this can cause a serious problem.

Behind this kind of overvaluation is actually anxiety, often the fear that their child will not have to experience the hardships and deprivation that they suffered. The only problem is that the feeling of absence - which is certainly real - was probably caused by another, emotional deprivation. So the intention is good, but the solution is based on a wrong interpretation.

Say no

Of course, spoiling can be done not only with objects, but also if the parent is unable to say no, and to consistently indicate that certain forms of behavior are not allowed. It happens that the source of this is simple laziness: it is easier to leave something to the child than to confront and stop it. When the child gently kicks us to get going, we do not attach any importance to it, but later, when the kicks are getting stronger and are accompanied by beatings, we rather regret that we did not stop the aggression towards the parents at the first moment.

It is not uncommon, especially among parents who were brought up strictly at the time, that, fearing the repetition of the mistakes they experienced, the line between democratic upbringing, reasonable indulgence and leaving everything to them is blurred. This does neither themselves nor the child any good, because the time will come later when this parent can't take it any longer, for example, the fact that it's impossible to exchange a few calm sentences with another adult, because the child can't bear not being there for a few minutes deal with it. The seedling will be rightly surprised by the unexpected snapping.

The Democrat, the Liberal and the Conservative

Research has also shown that children brought up democratically, who work in a group according to well-reasoned and partially jointly established rules, are the most motivated in carrying out the joint task. In an experiment, three types of teachers (democratic, authoritarian and "laissez faire", i.e. who do not set any rules) led a session for children. The group managed in an authoritarian manner created a performance, but the mood was so bad that at the end of the task, after the teacher left, they destroyed the work. The performance of the group led by the laissez faire style teacher was the lowest. He merely told them the task, and then did not deal with them, no matter what they did, the planned work was not completed accordingly. The democratically led group performed well and felt that the product was theirs.

But what is pampering?

Some misunderstandings about pampering persist. The fact that the natural needs of the baby are met by the parent is not pampering. Not if he breastfeeds when he is hungry, nor if he comforts him when he is sad. Pampering begins when the child has a certain awareness, and we do not set expectations that he would already be able to meet. However, in order to judge this, you have to pay attention to the child: many parents make the mistake of only wanting to dictate the expectations of the child according to their own ideas and desires - ignoring the age and abilities of the child.

It is best if we get by with few and reasonable rules and consistently ask them to account, but we give up on teaching behavioral feats just to be able to brag: our seedling is the best-behaved in the world!

Bujdosó Karolina, psychologist

Recommended: