Should we or should we not give a present for Children's Day?

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Should we or should we not give a present for Children's Day?
Should we or should we not give a present for Children's Day?
Anonim

As Children's Day approaches, parents wonder if they should celebrate it and, if so, how. What should you surprise your child with: some kind of experience, perhaps a gift? Gift giving is always a sensitive issue, because on the one hand we know that every child is happy with a gift, and of course with a bigger, cheesier gift even more, but many parents also have a bad feeling about this: are we not raising the child with gifts? that you value material pleasures, and doesn't the personal, human side of the holiday take a back seat?

It is natural that the child is excited about the gift and that it is one of the highlights of the holiday. There is no need to be afraid of this, it does not mean that our child is only interested in material goods. Not only because, although receiving a gift is undoubtedly about possession, it is also about emotions: it is also a connection to the other, an expression of the fact that we are important to each other, and that - in the best case - we know what makes the other happy, i.e. we look out for each other.

So we don't have to think in black and white and only see the flourishing of the consumer society in gift giving. It's a problem if the gift is meant to cover up a lack, if the holiday consists of nothing more than buying and giving gifts.

But even then, the gift is the culprit. The question is, can we do something with each other, spend half a day so that everyone feels good and we don't fight? Absolutely: can we agree on a program that is pleasant for everyone and do we enjoy each other's company? If we sit down around a table to eat the festive menu, are we able to have a conversation, or does communication end in awkward bickering? All this does not depend on whether we give gifts, but whether we pay attention to each other on the other days of the year, whether we accept each other's mistakes, knowing that the other person bears ours.

There is no golden rule for what an ideal children's day is like. There are places where the parents come up with a surprise, and there are places where the children can make a wish. It is also nice if it is manifested in small gestures that this is a special day, for example, the children get breakfast in bed, and things are also allowed that are not allowed on other days, for example, they can stay longer. The same is true for gifts, some people like surprises, in others it works for the child to tell them what they want. Of course, this also depends on age, as time progresses, more and more people switch to the latest version. When giving a gift, it is worth considering a few aspects.

shutterstock 178418537
shutterstock 178418537

The parent doesn't have to like the gift

Many parents get annoyed when their child begs for a gift that they consider useless, silly, or ugly. The gift is not basically a means of education. Of course, if the requested gift is in sharp conflict with the parent's values, then it is not expected that he will buy it, let's say that the teenager asks for bodybuilding powders, and the parent does not support their use.

But it is not necessary that the parent also likes the music, book or clothes that the child asks for as a gift, since he does not want to bring joy to himself, but to the child. The gift should not be a reward either, then we should no longer be talking about a gift, but a payment, so the gesture, which is about wanting to bring joy to the other person without expecting anything in return, loses its essence.

Just as it is unlucky if the necessary tools, such as a jacket or shoes, become a children's day, Christmas or birthday gift. Of course, you will receive what you need to take care of the child, and the holiday is about experiencing togetherness, being happy for each other, and this can also be seen in gift giving.

shutterstock 132449267
shutterstock 132449267

Don't buy too much

Many parents are afraid that the child will give him a bad name, and in fact, he will think that he doesn't love him enough if he doesn't get the expensive gift that he would be most happy about, but which is actually beyond the limits of the family coffers. The saddest example of this is when divorced parents try to outbid each other. One of them might not even give a gift for Children's Day, but he knows that the other will anyway, so he is forced to buy something, at least of that value.

No matter how much the child desires an object, even if he demands it violently, it does not measure whether the parent loves it. Those children who receive everything financially, but lack emotions, suffer from this, and deep down they would gladly trade their giving parent for a real one, from whom they receive love and spiritual support, who is proud of them.

Of course, this is more difficult to articulate, it is not usually said that way, or if it is, unfortunately the message does not necessarily get through to the parent, he does not understand what he should do differently, while he understands that the child is asking for a computer. However, as an adult, no one complains to the psychologist about not getting enough presents, but about the lack of hugs and words of encouragement.

Whether there is a gift or not, the important thing is that the parent pays attention to the holiday. Develop habits that become traditions that strengthen family identity. It can be a recurring program, menu, small ritual: something that is typical for that family. Small things like this are important for the family to feel: we belong together.

Psychologist Karolina Cziglán

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