Is this child really not grateful for anything?!?

Is this child really not grateful for anything?!?
Is this child really not grateful for anything?!?
Anonim

Even if someone doesn't expect express gratitude from the child, it can easily happen that their glass is full and they say that this is really too much! As with the family where they tried to arrange the vacation in such a way as to give the child as much experience as possible. The parents would have liked to go to the mountains, but they knew that their five-year-old daughter was not a fan of hiking, so they chose the lakeside instead, so that she could frolic to her heart's content. There they found him all kinds of children's programs, a playhouse, etc., and arranged for him to have a children's company.

The question arose in the minds of the parents as to why a very young child is not more grateful when, at the end of a wonderfully organized, experience-filled day, the little girl was profoundly indignant and burst into an unquenchable hysterics because she did not get the ice cream she wanted, just a smaller one.

Obviously, it occurs to many that they simply spoiled this little girl. It's true, a lot depends on the education, mostly how the child expresses his displeasure (some even beat his parents), and whether they can influence him, whether there is a limit that the child can feel when he reaches it, and so on. doesn't pull the strings.

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12822563 184800788566154 401216606 n

However, it is typical of both skillfully and less skillfully raised seedlings that they probably don't see right away how much what they have received is not self-evident, and how much effort and sacrifice it cost the parents.

Question if this is wrong.

In a tense situation like the one above, it is understandable for the mother and father to wish that it would be good if the child had even a faint idea of how much work it took to earn the money spent during the vacation, and at what point they decided to they choose a place and program that is nice to the child, putting themselves in the background. And in general: what a difference there is between the old vacations, which were really full of rest, and the ones that have characterized the family ever since there were children. If he saw his tithe, he wouldn't be upset about the ice cream…

The feeling is understandable, but it can still be said that a small child should not behave well or at least acceptably because he feels how much effort it takes for parents to raise children! It's a shame if he has to deal with this, because it's an adult problem, not a child-sized issue. There is also some legitimacy in what teenagers in particular used to brazenly rub under their parents' noses: "I didn't ask to be born!".

shutterstock 219672934
shutterstock 219672934

It is true that it is the parent's decision, with which he undertakes to make all the sacrifices that come with it, and he will not (and could not) make the child pay for this. Of course, you can hope that everything you give will bear fruit, on the one hand, in what the child will become, and on the other hand, in how you will pass on the care to your own children. But there is no guarantee for that. Parenthood is a free gift, not a loan that pays back.

Of course, this does not mean that the child is a little king, and, returning to the above example, it is the parent's duty to fulfill all his wishes, for example, to buy the bigger ice cream. Education also includes setting boundaries, doing this for the benefit of everyone: especially for the child, who loses his sense of security if he is not told what is acceptable and what is excessive.

And of course also for family peace: for the siblings, for themselves. But the parent can do this much more calmly and soberly, if he is aware of it, it is natural for the child not to feel what is considered demanding, what is ingratitude according to adult values. He knows what he wants, how he feels and what he desires, and he shows his discomfort when things don't go according to his ideas.

It is best if the parent lets them know without offense that "no more of this, and that's it!". If you mix in the ice cream issue, "and anyway, I'd like to go hiking in the mountains right now, I'm only here because of you", even an older child won't know what to do with it: for him, there is no connection between the two topics.

But will the time come when the parent can expect gratitude from the child? It becomes worthwhile much later, in many cases only after the death of the parent. A small child does not yet understand, and cannot understand, what it means to be a parent. The teenager looks at his mother and father hypercritically, exaggerates his grievances. In adulthood, the balance begins to be restored, but it usually takes many years before a person seriously and honestly reevaluates his childhood years, what he got from his parents, what he missed, what hurt him.

shutterstock 184985330
shutterstock 184985330

Many people don't even get to this point: they either remain hurt, or cover up the painful memories (which everyone necessarily has) and cover up the nuances with the phrase "my childhood was beautiful".

In order to truly feel gratitude for one's parents, one must first mourn the pain. It means that he genuinely feels what was sad, what was missing when they treated him hurtfully. This is important even if the parents didn't do it on purpose, because it was still bad for the child.

If a person is able to give himself empathy afterwards, then he becomes free to look at his parents clearly, letting go of the hurts, and to forgive the bad and feel gratitude for everything he got from them.

Cziglán Karolinapsychologist

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