Only fathers can pass on these skills

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Only fathers can pass on these skills
Only fathers can pass on these skills
Anonim

There are a million specialist books about the mother-child relationship and its effects on the child, while it seems that the role of fathers is only recently being discovered. In the last ten years, the participation of fathers in raising children has become more and more prominent, and parallel to this, researches examining the effects of fathers and the father-child relationship have appeared.

It turns out that the father-child relationship is at least as important as the mother-child relationship, and a good father can also compensate for the damage to the mother-child relationship. The quantity and quality of "fatherhood" affects both the mental and physical he alth of children, from infancy to adolescence.

The family psychology group of the American Academy of Pediatrics recently published a summary study, in which the characteristics of the father's role, the effects of the father-child relationship at different age stages, its advantages and difficulties are listed one by one. We show the main points.

shutterstock 431882515
shutterstock 431882515

Fathers are more and more present

According to surveys, the participation of fathers in raising children has increased in the last decade. Social reasons also contributed to this: paid or unpaid paternity leave of longer or shorter duration exists in several countries, fathers can also use some family support benefits, while more women have careers and, where appropriate, well-paying jobs.

Dads, of course, face many difficulties when reconciling work and raising children: while many workplaces offer certain discounts for mothers with small children, fathers with small children do not always have these benefits; in most hospitals it is possible for the mother to sleep in the ward next to the sick child, but this is not always possible for the father due to logistical reasons, etc.

Additionally it causes difficulties if father and mother continue their lives separately at some point in the child's life. According to surveys in the USA, fathers try to be present in their children's lives even in such cases: one in six fathers lives separately from their children, but only one in a hundred is not involved in the child's life at all.

According to the researchers, in recent years, with the transformation of the former father's role, a "new type of fatherhood" is beginning to emerge, in which the emphasis is shifting from work to a balance between work and home/family. In the light of the numbers, it all looks like, while in 1965 fathers spent an average of four hours a week doing housework and around the house and an average of 2.5 hours with their children, in 2011 they already undertake 10 hours of work around the house and 7 hours a week of childcare. on.

Fathers are better playmates even in infancy

Fatherhood begins with pregnancy: nowadays, many fathers-to-be accompany their pregnant wives to examinations and childbirth preparation courses, and the majority of fathers are also present at the birth. Medical science treats the rare but existing Couvade syndrome as a separate entity, when the husband of a pregnant woman shows pregnancy-like symptoms (insomnia, restlessness, weight gain).

According to research, fathers who "skip" pregnancy and infancy are more likely to remain outsiders later on: fathers who participated as partners in pregnancy and were present at birth were still much more involved with the child five years later, like their outsider counterparts. The father's presence is good for both the mother and the child: the wives of attentive fathers who were present during pregnancy were one and a half times more likely to undergo regular examinations, and in their case premature births were rarer and the rate of infant mortality was lower. Mothers who smoke are 36 percent more likely to quit smoking if the father-to-be is by their side.

In some institutions, father-baby body contact is allowed two hours after birth (in Hungarian it is called early hair contact), this mainly occurs in the case of caesarean section babies. According to experience, babies who cuddled with their father later cried less and were calmer than babies who went straight to the crib. The role of fathers in promoting breastfeeding is also significant: the babies of fathers who support breastfeeding are breastfed more often and for longer, while the babies of fathers who oppose breastfeeding and compete for the mother's breast receive less breast milk.

The relationship between babies and their fathers is still similar to the mother-baby relationship in many ways, but there are also differences. Both father and mother are equally capable of performing the practical and psychological tasks around the baby (diapering, bathing, comforting, cuddling, soothing, putting to sleep, etc.), and the sleep rhythm of fathers who sleep with the baby is coordinated with the baby's in the same way as that of mothers.

At the same time, even at this age, fathers are more likely to take on the role of playmate. Playing with dad is usually more stimulating, activating, and awakening. These high-intensity interactions encourage the baby to become independent, to turn to the outside world, and awaken the baby's curiosity, while the lower-intensity interactions with the mother provide security and peace.

shutterstock 432988228
shutterstock 432988228

The father effect with small children: more new words, fewer psychological problems

Father's presence and participation in the child's early childhood has many positive results, which are often different from mother's effects. One of these is language development: three-year-old children's communication with their fathers predicted their later language development well (those who communicated a lot with their father developed better), while communication with their mother had no such effect. According to the researchers, this is perhaps due to the fact that mothers tend to adapt their speech to their child, that is, they directly use words that they know the child already understands. Fathers do this less, so you can learn more new words from them.

The father's influence does not stop at the vocabulary. Children whose fathers spent more time with them in preschool (including childcare, play and communication) were less likely to suffer from psychological problems at the age of nine. Playing with fathers reduced the risk of both externalizing and internalizing behavior disorders and increased the child's social skills. The inverse relationship between the father's participation and the child's behavior disorder was supported by several independent studies.

Less depression and behavioral disorders in adolescence

Father's involvement in child-rearing reduces the chance of risky behaviors in adolescence (more for boys, but also for girls) and reduces the risk of adolescent depression (for adolescents of both sexes). Paternal involvement is associated with better intellectual functions, fewer behavioral disorders and psychological disorders, and in the case of adolescents belonging to a low social class, juvenile delinquency is also less common.

In the case of adolescent girls, the presence of a father even has a hormonal effect: those girls whose father is involved in their upbringing are less likely to show signs of early puberty, start having sex later and have a lower chance of teenage pregnancy. According to animal experiments, paternal pheromones slow down puberty in female adolescents.

The above effects also occur in the case of divorced parents and fathers who live separately, if the father spends enough time with the teenager: for example, the teenage children of fathers who live separately but often show up smoke less often than those who live separately and in the child's life children of non-participating fathers.

What about unusual lineups?

Most of the research was conducted with heterosexual parents, with classic or similar family models (father, mother, child, or divorced father plus foster father, mother, child, or foster father, foster mother, child, etc.). Of course, you do not have to be the biological father of the child to develop the above good effects, a foster father who assumes the role of a father can provide exactly the same.

As for gay couples, there is quite a bit of experience with them. What is certain is that, according to a large number of surveys, same-sex couples (either two fathers or two mothers) generally share the tasks of raising children better than heterosexual couples. In other words, in the case of gay couples, it is less common that one member of the couple is responsible for raising children and the other is not, it is much more common for both parties to take part in it.

shutterstock 272582072
shutterstock 272582072

And how is dad?

The father's own well-being also affects the child's condition, and of course, conversely, the mere existence of the child affects the father's condition. A previously neglected problem that is receiving more attention today is postpartum depression in fathers: according to various surveys, 2-25 percent of fathers suffer from it, but if the mother has postpartum depression, the father's chance rises to 50 percent. New fathers show symptoms of depression 1.38 times more often than their childless peers.

Paternal postpartum depression usually appears later (for mothers in the first 3 months, for fathers in the first year) and its symptoms are also different from those of mothers. Men show vulnerability less often, ask for help less often and are more inclined to treat their depression symptoms with home methods such as alcohol, smoking, drugs, as well as critical, aggressive behaviors (in Hungarian, they fight more).

Paternal depression is more likely to lead to domestic violence, lowers the chance of breastfeeding and increases the chance of marriage breakdown.

According to surveys, depressed fathers hit their children four times more often and read to them much less often. Babies of depressed fathers cry more and more often, and paternal depression experienced in infancy also affects later ages. Children whose fathers were depressed when they were babies were more likely to have behavioral problems at the age of five - even if their mothers were fine. Because of all this, it would be important that as many people as possible - laymen and professionals alike - be informed about the issue of paternal depression, since depression is a curable disease if it is recognized and addressed to a specialist.

Fortunately, the birth of a child can not only cause depression, but can also have a positive effect on the father's he alth. The birth of a child often motivates new fathers to take better care of themselves: from then on, many drink less or drive more carefully. According to research, many men change their eating habits at this time and start exercising regularly, meaning that in the long term, having children makes you he althier by motivating a he althy lifestyle.

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